


Love you ( enough to let you go)

by MXlife



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Hopeful Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Moving On, Realization, Romance, Unrequited Love, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MXlife/pseuds/MXlife
Summary: Some things cannot be forced, Minhyuk learns that the hard way.





	Love you ( enough to let you go)

Hyunwoo,  
I still remember the first time I saw you, the glow of the soft light fell across your face, accentuating your eyes. You looked mesmerising but also very sad. At that moment, I felt drawn to you, and wished to never see that look on your face.   
That was how our story began, with me walking up to you, a sweet drink in my hand, and the intention of making you smile, so you never had to be sad again.   
With the chatter of others around us and party music playing in the background we got to know each other, trapped in our bubble while the world moved on around us. 

You kissed me first, even though I think I caught feelings first. You were lonely and I was there. I honestly couldn't care less what your reasons were, I'd take anything I could.   
It wasn't a secret, I knew your Hart had belonged to someone else, and you'd still not taken a part of it back.   
But I served mine on a silver platter, hoping it would be enough for you to stay forever.   
Somewhere along the way we became lovers, I still remember that night, when I was picking up my things to leave after the intense fucking, you asked me to stay, you asked me to stay for good.   
I'd controlled my tears, a soft sigh leaving my lips. Because I'd started hoping, and ignoring the fact that I still didn't see what I wanted to in your eyes, when you looked at me. I knew that you'd still not forgotten him, you'd still not started to love me.   
It hurt, it hurt to get under the covers, to lay close to you, for you to put your arms around me, pulling me closer to your chest, and knowing that you wished deep down that I was someone else.   
I remember our first real fight, the first time I decided to leave, we were together for 2years now, but I still felt it, how you yearned for him, not me.   
You don't even know how I have suffered, what thoughts have crossed my mind, how I have blamed only myself for sticking by even though I know the truth. Why can you not love me? Why can't I be the one you want to see when you open your eyes? The pain that spreads through me whenever I see the disappointment flash through your eyes when you find me instead of him in the morning, you will never know. And every time there's a simple answer to it all, I am just not enough.   
I cried, in the shower, when you'd left for your job, while walking back from mine, I cried, because while I knew the truth, I was too selfish to let you go. 

You'd gone away for a few days, after our fight, after I told you I knew the truth, after I told you I was going to leave walking out of what was our apartment now. I returned the next morning to see you'd left. I waited for you to return, regretting everything I'd said. I knew you'd gone to him, not to look for me. After all, I was never the one you truly wanted.   
You came back after a week, I remember when you'd walked into the apartment your eyes looked tired and you looked like you'd walked through a storm. Something had changed though, because when you held me, I felt like you'd finally accepted me.   
We made our peace, I knew you'd gone back to him and whatever had happened, had given you some closure. I finally felt like you were ready to move on.   
I was so happy that day, for the first time it felt like you made love to me, and looked at me.   
It was the first time you said my name and meant it.   
So I dated to dream once again.   
Another year later, things were looking better, we'd moved into a bigger apartment, I had a better job, we'd settled in, our friends we're happy for us, and you finally introduced him to me.   
And I understood what held you back all that time. He was ethereal, beautiful inside and out. How could I ever have compared.   
With him come into our lives came my doubts and insecurities. I tried to hold it in, but it would slip out and show this ugly and hideous side of me. I hated it.   
We started fighting again, and some nights you wouldn't return home, I didn't realize how I was pushing everyone away, how lonely I was becoming.   
You came back one day to find me crying.   
I tried to hide all these vulnerable moments from you, not wanting you to worry, or maybe I was scared you wouldn't care enough.   
I remember you asked me to marry you a week later.   
It somehow felt surreal, but in my desperation I said yes.   
That night after loving me, once you thought I was asleep you called him, telling him you couldn't meet him anymore.   
You sounded so sad, worse then when id told you I was going to leave.   
I realized once again, I would never be enough.   
Your friend told me your story yesterday, I know where you'd gone last night.   
You'd gone to him, spent one last night.   
Hyunwoo, I can't be the reason of your sadness and regret.   
You and I both know you love him, and I can't compete. I can't keep waiting my whole life, hoping you'll love me the way I live you.   
My heart has been hurting for the past three years, and I can't keep doing this anymore.   
So I won't come and tell you I'm leaving, I won't give you the choice, I'm choosing for both of us.   
Go be happy, and maybe one day so will I.   
Thank you for all the happy times we spent together, I honestly wouldn't trade this time with you for anything.   
I live you Hyunwoo, I love you so much, but we were never meant to be together. You belong beside him, please stop denying yourself that, if not for yourself, do it for me.   
This will be my last goodbye.   
Love Minhyuk. "  
_____  
Minhyuk stood up from his desk.   
His reflection stated back at him from the mirror, he smiled at how well the white suit fit him. The rose gold sash poking out from the collar.   
He was supposed to get married today, he sighed.   
Some things weren't meant to be. He removed the small topaz broach and placed it next to the letter he'd left addressed to Hyunwoo.   
They'd find it once he was long gone. 

Minhyuk knocked on the door, there was shuffling inside and the he came and opened the door, he looked like he'd been crying.   
Minhyuk smiled at him softly, he couldn't bring himself to hate this boy, who was gentle and kind under all that confident shield.   
" May I speak to Hyunwoo privately? " He said, making sure his voice didn't give away how he was breaking inside.   
"Yeah... Yeah of course. " 

Minhyuk then went inside to see Hyunwoo standing with a puzzled look on his face.   
He didn't look happy to see Minhyuk, he looked worried.   
Minhyuk hated him for a second then, but he kept smiling.   
"Hey Hyunwoo," Minhyuk said, "I hope your not getting wedding nerves." He chuckled.   
Hyunwoo's expression dissolved to a soft smile and minhyuk thought about how he would miss seeing it. How much he would miss Hyunwoo.   
"No. Not at all. " Hyunwoo said moving towards Minhyuk.   
"Well, I just wanted to kiss you one last time as your boyfriend." Minhyuk said, his voice wavering a bit.   
Hyunwoo looked puzzled, but Minhyuk didn't linger on his expression, instead he moved closer and pressed his lips against this man he'd come to love so deeply.   
He put all his feelings into the kiss, breaking away after a few minutes.   
He looked into Hyunwoo's eyes, giving him all his love and for the first time not expecting anything back.   
"Minhyuk are you okay? " Hyunwoo asked, caressing his cheek.   
"Yes, I have everything I need right here." Minhyuk said, nuzzling into Hyunwoo's hand.   
How he would miss the warmth he felt from the older.   
"Hyunwoo, the ceremony will start soon." A voice came from outside.   
Minhyuk was brought back to reality.   
He moved back. "We should get ready. " Hyunwoo said.   
"Yes." Minhyuk said, he moved to the doors.   
"Goodbye Hyunwoo. " He whispered, looking at Hyunwoo turn around to fix his tie.   
I will miss you so much.   
______  
Hyunwoo sat with the paper in his hands.   
It was so unfair, Minhyuk hadn't even given him a chance to talk about it.   
But his letter had made some things very obvious.   
Hyunwoo knew what he had to do now.   
He didn't know where he was, but he'd find him.   
He rushed out of the empty Hall, the guests having left a while back.   
Hyunwoo ran, he had to find him.


End file.
